Get Tough on Yourself!
How to stop letting yourself off the hook, and start turning your life around.
The vast majority of my day is typically spent listening to clients. Like most people, they often have things in their life they would like to change. It could be their jobs, their bodies, their children, their homes, the government, the world—or all of the above. I frequently feel that way myself, so I am happy to listen to them and ask probing questions. When they’ve finished sharing their concerns, I try to then create an action plan with them for how to fix their situation.
A week later I’ll follow up with them. “How is it going? What items have you checked off from your action plan?” It almost never fails—they haven’t even started, but they haven’t changed their outlook either. They still see the same roadblocks to their happiness that were there the week before. I want to say that it baffles me, but it’s a sentiment I’ve encountered (and felt) too many times.
Why can’t they turn their life around?
-It’s too hard to get started...
-One person can’t make a difference on their own...
-The world hasn’t changed, so they won’t either...
-They forgot...
-I need to keep pushing them; they can’t do it without more reinforcement...
...and on and on.
Chances are, you’ve felt something like this frustration and powerlessness during the pandemic (if not before). I hear from more and more people that they’re feeling exhausted, or can’t find the motivation they used to have, and don’t know what to do about it.
But this isn’t the whole story. People from all walks of life have been able to turn their lives around. It happens all the time. Instead of fixating on how difficult things can be, let’s focus on the success stories.
What do successful, motivated people do differently?
They didn’t wait for permission. They just started.
They didn’t focus on the end result. They focused on the moment and the next small step ahead that would help them progress a little bit.
They dream, and they believe.
They have the support of loved ones and people in their lives. Someone’s got their backs.
They become “obsessed.” They watch, they learn, they read—they are always curious.
The bottom line is this: if you’re feeling worn down, you need to be tougher on yourself and stop letting yourself off the hook.
These days, we are letting ourselves get exhausted by the tiniest of things. If you’re working from home, I bet you know this feeling. Be honest with yourself: on those pandemic days when you don’t need to leave the house, how often do you still get dressed in work clothes, get exercise, and go through your old care routine in full? The answer is probably less than you’d like to. Thirteen months ago, we used to get up early, get out of the house, and be on the run all day long, every single day. And I guarantee you weren’t feeling half as tired as you do today.
Think of it this way: if you were raising a child, after a year would you say you’re sick and tired of it? Of course not! You wouldn’t give up and let that child down. If you can do that, you can get tough and hold the same standards for yourself.
I have a theory that I live by. People should have 10 things that they do for themselves every single day. The list can’t include food or money—this isn’t about bare survival; it’s about doing something for yourself. (Apparently, Warren Buffett swears by this method.) The sad truth is, if you asked someone, they would probably have a hard time naming even one thing that they consistently do for themselves each and every day.
This shows how little we hold ourselves accountable and our lack of commitment to our own well-being. Doing 10 things for yourself may sound like a lofty goal, but everyone is capable of doing it.
Turning our habits around is easier than you’d think. The hardest part is just getting started—as I’m reminded every time someone tells me they can’t make a difference, or the world hasn’t changed, or they forgot.
If you’re feeling exhausted by everything that’s going on, instead of complaining, try to do one thing for yourself today. And tomorrow, do 10 things. Then do 10 again the next day. Be tough—don’t let yourself off the hook. Keep it up, and I promise, soon you’ll start to feel things turn around.
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